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While each person has a unique vision of his or her Good Life, certain core components exist that we can achieve no matter our circumstances which are necessary for the Good Life. Contentment is a core component. I did not consider the benefits of contentment nor learn that we can become content without having everything we want until I was about 20.
I centered my life around competitive golf until age 18. In high school, I would get up at 5:00am, listen to 50 Cent’s Get Rich or Die Tryin’ album (unedited), and run three miles to gain an advantage over my competitors. While they slept, I worked. I would repeat to myself, “Good, better, best: never let it rest until your good is better and your better is best.” Coach Balch taught us this. From my idols like Floyd Mayweather and Tiger Woods, I learned that it was good to have an insatiable appetite for winning and to let this drive you—even to the point of an unhealthy and imbalanced life. Then I had a change of heart and, a few years after that, I learned about contentment.
To some of us, contentment is a fuzzy and elusive idea. We know it’s desirable, but are unsure how it feels or how to get it. Here’s a condensed attempt to clarify what contentment means and how to find it.
Contentment and Action are Not Enemies
I formerly believed contentment meant we exist in peace and poise while in a tranquil and calm environment. I thought contentment meant an outward stillness where we don’t move, but simply enjoy our situation or scenery.
This is not true. Contentment is an inward feeling, first and foremost, without connection to our circumstances or movements. Of course, nervous anxiety expresses itself through our fidgety twitches, but contentment is possible in a busy, hectic life. Just as it is possible to be discontent, anxious, or scared in serene circumstances, it’s possible to be content in fast-paced or uncertain circumstances.
Check out Shakespeare’s quote, “Poor and content is rich, and rich enough.”
No one wants to be poor, but we can be poor and content at the same time—as we can also have an active life and contentment at the same time.
Contentment is Not Complacency
Some frown upon those with no ambition. Others frown upon those who seem to have too much ambition. It’s easy to see complacent people and think they are content. Wrong.
Complacency is contentment’s evil sister in the same way that dissatisfied perfectionism is contentment’s evil brother. Complacency comes from a hopeless heart finding no confidence that any action will improve the situation. It also comes from a stale heart that is not willing to try any other drink because it is just fine with the taste of misery or mediocrity.
Contentment is Not Happiness
Contentment is like happiness, but is not happiness. Sometimes happiness and contentment are used interchangeably. But to be knit-picky, happy typically refers to one having fortunate circumstances. The cause of happiness came from the situation, not the person. Winning $1,000,000 would make me an extremely happy person from my good fortune—I would build a staircase going nowhere just for show. Likewise losing $1,000,000 would make me isolate myself for a few days due to depression—especially because that would mean I’m $1,000,000 in debt. Both situations are circumstances impacting my feelings and desires causing me to be happy or sad.
Contentment, on the other hand, refers to finding satisfaction within the situation. So feeling content is possible whether you win $1,000,000 or lose $1,000,000. The source of contentment comes from the person determining to find satisfaction in the situation irrespective of the good fortune or bad fortune from it.
Contentment feels like the opposite of nervous anxiety. Imagine leaving late to make a meeting and running into traffic only to make you later. Contentment knows that increasing your blood pressure, hitting the steering wheel, and losing your patience with your passenger doesn’t help the situation. Contentment sends a simple text saying, “I apologize for my delay. Left late and will be there ASAP.” It then let’s go of the inconvenience because it knows what it can control and what it can’t. Sitting in the car in traffic is too late to manipulate the situation to your favor. Contentment accepts the tardiness and continues preparing how you can make the most of the meeting. Then it adjusts in the future. As my wife tells me, “Aaron, we need to leave earlier next time.”
Contentment is a way of being mindful of your thoughts and desires and then controlling them. It corrects the negative thoughts and frames the situation with a better perspective. Contentment combats our insatiable nature knowing that it is just that—insatiable!
Contentment is Wealth
Socrates said, “Contentment is natural wealth, luxury is artificial poverty.”
Contentment is wealth because those without it find themselves driven by unstable desires that don’t even satisfy once it pushes them to finally fulfill them. While there are forms of discontent we all should have, discontentment generally pushes people away from people or uses people as objects for its own purpose—and that’s inhuman. No one likes feeling used.
Contentment is wealth because it means you have the ability to control yourself and not react to life’s vicissitudes. Yes—we have to react to what life throws at us. But we don’t have to react to what our desires throw at us. Thoughtful, steady responses produce a smooth life. And, remember, slow is smooth and smooth is fast—I love that quote. A content, smooth life is more satisfying in the long run than a reactive life—even if the reactive life produces more dopamine in the moment.
Gratitude is the Quickest Way to Contentment
Gratitude is contentment’s secret. It occurs when you become mindful of the good things in your life and choose to be glad over those rather than unhappy over what you don’t have. Often, contentment eludes us because we choose to focus on what is wrong or what we don’t have and then get down or angry due to our unhappy circumstance.
There’s not much else to say: gratitude is a choice of your attention and attitude. Gratitude is the decision to improve your circumstance by improving yourself—namely, how you think about the circumstance.
Christian Contentment is Unique
Since I’m a Christian, I can’t forgo comment on the unique nature of Christian contentment. That a good God exists, involves himself with the world, and actually cares about it fuels Christian contentment. This truth comes through the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ. The peace this knowledge gives differs from the kind we experience through self-control and self-awareness only.
Contentment apart from Christian truth relies on acknowledging what we can control and what we can’t. It relies on an acceptance of the way things are. And produces the willingness to change what we know we can change. Most of the time, the main thing we can change in a circumstance is ourselves.
Contentment fueled by Christian truth gives additional knowledge of the one who does control what we can’t—God does. This is only helpful if that God is good—and he is. Furthermore, contentment fueled by Christian truth also gives a sure hope of defeating humanity’s number-one enemy. Death. If Jesus actually resurrected, then the world will not always be as it is—it’s moving toward God’s goal.
How does Contentment Relate to Improvement and Progress?
I hinted at this under “contentment is wealth.” Laziness and contentment are not equals. Contentment fosters level-headed planning, responses, and action in life. It allows you to examine your goals and desires, determine if their worth having, and then make the right moves to achieve them. Contentment acknowledges that our world and ourselves could be better and works vigorously to improve both. Here’s the secret: success in this work will make us happy, but our internal satisfaction does not depend on its success. That is how we know if we are operating out of contentment.
I’m not saying we will always be happy. Discouragement and sadness means we care. So they can be good things. A sense of tension exists in our lives. And it will probably never resolve itself— as we sway from contentment to discontentment back to contentment.
I’m curious to know your thoughts on this. Agree? Disagree? How do you view contentment?
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