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“I don’t enjoy spending much time with them during this early stage of their lives. I can’t change who I am so why would I do so?”
I was at my first doctor’s appointment in five years. He was young and had a family so I asked him how he balances life.
“My wife is a doctor as well, but she works less because it is easier for her to spend time with the kids than it is for me.”
“When they were babies, I couldn’t communicate with them—they don’t talk…Nor do I like kid baseball games, they’re boring…I can’t change who I am.”
He loved his wife and kids—spoke well of them. But he explained he didn’t like spending much time with his kids while they’re at this younger stage because he can’t do adult things with them—conversing being his primary example.
So he works more and looks forward to spending time with them when they’re older and can connect better.
He spoke with a very down-to-earth tone and gave his rationale as if it were commonsensical. He wasn’t a rude guy and I will definitely return when I need another checkup.
Yet I was taken back having never heard anyone speak like this about their kids. Of course we’ve all seen people act this way toward their children, but he was speaking frankly about it.
He seemed to be completely oblivious to what is completely obvious to us: he chose not to spend time with his kids because he didn’t feel like it. Why? Because they can’t relate to him in the way he wants them to.
“I can’t change how I feel or what I want,” was his reasoning.
“I must obey my feelings and can’t do what I don’t want,” was his assumption.
Many of us are taught to operate this way so don’t be surprised or condemnatory.
You do it too.
And we have no reason to change…unless change is possible, personally beneficial, and favorable to our relationships.
Jesus began the new world by resurrecting from the dead in order to show the new way forward. So who you were yesterday will not produce the joy Jesus intends for you to have.
By giving your feelings and desires supreme authority, you will not have the good life as it is meant to be had. Your life will be deficient.
Today you can have the assurance that change is possible…and affordable—Jesus is covering it for you.
So Step #1 = Believe that change is possible.
You can conform your feelings and desires to the universe-creating God and practice living as if you were already on an everlasting planet with no thorns. It is coming. The good life is now known and you don’t have to be who you were yesterday.
Thanks,
Aaron